i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
