my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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