I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
