smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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