Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
