I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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