Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Can I color on your dick again?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
