I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
