Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
