Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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