This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
