I hate all girls vehemently.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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