i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
