i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
