I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
