I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
