You made me cry and you don't even care
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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