did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
