I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You need Xanax blowdarts
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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