I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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