i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize