his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
