I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
