she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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