if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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