I have demons in me.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
