The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
