Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
