Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize