What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
