I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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