did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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