dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
i've created a new STD.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The adults are the big ones right?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
