all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
