dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
