Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
