Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
