I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
