he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
