I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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