I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
