I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Randomize
