You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
