just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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