I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
