He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
