this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
When did angry sex become our thing?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
