There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I want her autograph on my taint
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
