he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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