I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
