The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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