I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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