I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
