I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
