not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
