Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
