My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Randomize
