nut hugger
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
