I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
