Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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