Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
