He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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