Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
