I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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