The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
