spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize