I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
