What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
accomplished twins. life is a go
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
