how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
