Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
