I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
