just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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