Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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