all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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