some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
